(Artwork care of Karen Ramsay (www.karenramsay.com), profile photo care of brianlackeyphotography.com)

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Mixtape: In the event of weasels. Robot zombie weasels.

This special purpose mixtape is a new occasional feature. Let me know if you like it.

This particular one is intended for those times when you find yourself beset by weasels. Of course, there's always another shoe to drop. In this case, it's the unfortunate realization that these are no ordinary weasels. Here's your soundtrack, now get busy!

(YouTube playlist)

Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks - "Tune Grief " (Mirror Traffic)

Where would we be without foreshadowing? Join the weasels in their lair and listen to the preparations. Ruled by reckless abandon and thrashy joy, they're psyching themselves up to come out and meet you!

Gogol Bordello - "Super Taranta!" (Super Taranta!)

The song begins as you're minding your own business. The jaunty Eastern European accordion at the start captures your last moments of innocence. Eugene Hütz's anguished shout just before the drums kick in is perfectly timed to cover your own shout of surprise. Now the battle is underway. Remember to pace yourself. Oh, and watch out for that one sneaking up on your left side.

Frank Zappa - "Rat Tomago" (Sheik Yerbouti)

Your yelling is just barely audible over the guitar shredding rasp of the weasel's music. So, this is what they listen to on the battlefield... Looking across the room to the only door, you steel yourself for the slog through a rabid multitude. You wonder why they aren't listening to Zappa's "Weasels Ripped My Flesh" and decide it would have been too obvious...

King Crimson - "Thrak" (Thrak)

You're  making good progress when a shadow falls across the doorway. You find yourself facing the largest weasel you've ever seen. Rather than a mere six to eight inches long, this one is six to eight feet! He somehow signals to the others and they clear a space before him. With no other choice, you step forward...

Metallica - "The Struggle Within" (Metallica)

You summon your courage and face the vicious giant. He mouths along with James Hetfield, trying to demoralize you, "Struggle within/ you seal your own coffin." But you shrug that off and pick up a fortuitously placed implement of destruction. You weigh its heft and begin your assault. He falls back from your relentless flurry of strikes. If you can defeat him, the rest should be easy.

Finally! He falls.

Garage a Trois - "Sprung Monkey" (Emphasizer)

The smaller vermin reel in shock to see their champion taken down. You figure this is the time to beat it, but you can't help but look at your vanquished foe as you pass. He's still twitching...no, wait. He's rising up again. Despite his mortal wounds, something seems to be animating him and setting him against you still.

God Is An Astronaut - "The End of the Beginning" (The End of the Beginning)

Okay, no problem. A quick stab should take care of this. Except that generates no response. Now, he seems even more intent on getting you. Damn, I hate zombies. What's it going to take here?

A trickle of sweat stings your eyes, but you remain resolute. You have to. You finally deal the decisive blow and smash the giant zombie weasel's skull. Wait a second...what was that weird flash of light?

Glitch Mob - "Animus Vox" (Drink The Sea)

The corpse seems to melt, revealing the metal skeleton within. Suddenly, you notice the glowing eyes of all the smaller weasels around you. They generate their own light as they mechanically press forward, closing in on you. Shrill squeals can no longer disguise the whir of tiny gears.

Daft Punk - "Fall" (TRON: Legacy)

You slip into a zone: pivot, strike, parry. If you can just keep in motion...Time blurs and then ceases to exist.

Zoe Keating - "Legions (Aftermath)" (One Cello x 16 Natoma)

The next thing you're conscious of is the pain. Muscle cramps and a host of small cuts and gouges go a long way towards explaining the ring of twisted and ruined mechano-weasels around you. Hearing hints of motion from within the piles, you realize that the time has come to leave this place. You resolve to avoid late afternoon visits to Starbuck's in the future.

1 comment:

  1. A special synchronicity since I'd just sent Jester a link about Cannibal Rats. The universe works in weirdly wonderful ways.